Winning an Argument with your Parents- It can be done!

As both a teen and now as a parent I have always been great at argueing my point.  So as a teen, how do you win an argument with a parent like me, when you feel strongly about the point you are attempting to make?
Before going into any argument with a parent you should know as adults we already have a counter-argument to just about everything you can come up with or say, so if all you have is because "I want to", or "Because everyone else does it",  then you are going to be spending many long nights shouting back and fourth with your parents.  Unless you go against your parents wishes (Trust me this is not recommended) you are going to find it really hard to win any kind of argument, even a minor compromise would seem a major win in this kind of situation.

Don’t be a bulldog

Instead of charging into an argument like a bulldog when it attacks, test the waters first, ask your parents if you can do it, ask calmly and most importantly politely. When they say no, do not react, just say ok and walk away, you will not win an argument at this point, save your energy to fight another day. I realize this sounds contrary to what you would normally do and that is exactly the point.  Your parents expect a certain reaction, and when you give them a completely different and "respectful" response, it makes them starting thinking about your request.  If you blow up, then that is what your parents expect...say no and move on to the next crisis.

Now at least you know where you stand on this specific question or situation.  By the way, asking why they are saying no is usually pointless too as they will already have a brain-full of ready-made excuses for this kind of engagement.

Before you go back and ask for a second time, you must first go and do your homework (yes literally if you have some from school, so you don't fail) and research the subject that your parents said no to, know all the pros and cons to it, your parents are going to know all the cons to it, so, it is important that you too know them so that you can count their counter argument.  It also helps to cut the grass, do the dishes, wash the clothes, pick up your room, etc, while you are preparing for your next discussion.  This certainly helps strengthen your position with parents.

You should now have a list of pros and cons, you have researched the subject so you will know any dangers, side-effects or potential problems, this at the very least shows that you were mature enough to research it rather that shout about it.  You should also create a third list that states why or how it would improve you, for e.g. dying your hair may make you feel better about yourself, an ear-piercing could make you look smarter, that new gadget could also double as something else that will help with school work etc etc.


Second time luck

Now you are ready to ask your parents again, this time you are well prepared, when asking this time, don’t simple just ask, but explain, be clear about what you want and why you want it, tell them that you understand the risks/potential problems that are involved and show them the research you have done.

Hopefully they see that you have done your homework on the subject, and they have seen how mature you were to research the subject in full, and maybe they will let you make the choice to do what you wanted to do.

Be prepared to compromise

If all else fails and your parents still say no, try for a compromise. Instead of asking to dye your hair purpoe, try asking if you can meet in the middle and settle for a wash-in wash-out hair dye that only lasts for a few washes, this way you get to see what your hair would look like and your parents won't see it as you destroying your hair, who knows, they might like your new purple hair.

Some last tips

•Have proof of what you have done, have proof that you are doing well in school and have proof that shows you are doing your best, and can be trusted.

•Always remain calm and polite, you will never and I mean never win a shouting and yelling match with the people who clothe, feed and house you, especially Dad.

•Be assertive with your side of the argument, this will show that your willing to listen and want to discuss things rather than shout about them.

•Research what it is that you want before discussing it with parents, this will help to show that you are mature enough to make your own choices.

•Accept that your not going to win every argument, even the most easy going of parents have limits where they will say no, learning to take compromises can mean a win for both you and your parents.
In the end, give deference (look it up) to your parents in respect and love.  Although they may in your eyes be wrong, it is normally out of love, and a concern for your security, safety and well-being that they say no.