Few things are as frustrating as having your parents try to run your life. As a teen you are trying hard to find your own place in the world. Making decisions for yourself, be those choices good ones or bad, is something that helps you do that. As a father, I am often guilty of being on my teens ...."case".
Your parents have been teens, they know that you often need to make mistakes to learn from them. So why can’t they sit back and just let you live your life?
Why Your Parents Interfere
Your parents can’t sit back and watch you make mistakes because they love you. It’s hard to understand when you don’t have children yourself but parents find it physically distressing to know that their children are up to things that could do them harm now or in the future.
If your parents think that you are hiding things from them in order to do things they wouldn’t approve of they we get very anxious and untrusting. A parents anxiety makes them act more strictly toward you, and can even make them angry at you. It is a vicious circle. When your parents fear for you nothing else matters as much as keeping you safe. They dont care if the boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't like it. If they fear that you will suffer physical or emotional harm from your choices they will try to run interference. It’s in their parental nature and is exactly how a responsible, caring and loving parent is suppose to act.
Getting Your Parents to Relax
What can you do to get your parents to relax and let you make your own choices and mistakes? There really is only one thing you have to do; you have to foster trust. You must behave in an open and honest manner with your parents at all times. You need to give them an idea of how you think and behave when they aren’t around.
You can help them to trust you by showing them that you have listened to the things they have taught you and that you appreciate the values they have worked hard to instill in you. This means that there will be times when you will have to do exactly as they have asked regardless of how much you disagree.
Doing what they ask of you when you don’t like it or when it means sacrifice on your part demonstrates respect for your parents. Showing respect is an important part of building trust. By showing them they can trust you even when you disagree with them they will relax about the way you live your life. This will benefit everybody, and most of all you.
How to Build Trust
Trust isn’t a one way street. You have to give trust to get it. This means that there will be times when you will need to trust your parents’ judgment even if you don’t like it and even if you don’t understand where they are coming from. Your parents will be much more likely to trust you if you show that you trust them.
All relationships take compromise to be successful and parent-child relationships are no exception. When trust is established there will still be times when you will have to compromise and do what your parents ask of you. In return your parents will be much more comfortable compromising and letting you get your way from time to time.
Getting Your Parents to Compromise
How do you get your parents to trust you and be willing to be the ones to make compromises? You show your parents that you are listening to them. Let them know that you accept that they have the benefit of life experience and that there are times when you are willing to defer to their judgment. Do this and you will strengthen your position when you really feel strongly about doing something they don’t like.
Your parents will listen to you because you have listened to them. They will trust what you tell them because you have shown them through your behavior that you can be trusted. By doing what they ask of you even when you don’t like it you show them that when they make the compromise you won’t let them down. Furthermore, they will trust you to be honest about your intentions and the outcomes of your choices.
When your parents can trust you to tell them exactly what you are doing, and when they know that you will come to them if something goes wrong, they will relax. By building trust you will get to do what you want more often. The secret to getting your parents to relax their safety hold on you is that simple.
Parents are always on your #$% because they love you! If they don't care what you do and let you do what you want....start worrying!
Thursday, June 24, 2010
Friday, June 11, 2010
10 Tips for Teens Looking for Summer Jobs
Even in the best of times, teenagers face plenty of hurdles when they look for summer jobs. Would-be employers often worry that they’ll be undependable, late, lazy, and generally flaky — and teens must convince prospective bosses that they’re actually reliable and responsible.
This summer could be even tougher for teens, though, because competition for jobs is expected to be so fierce. Local teens job opportunities such as the County Summer Work Program have been eliminated from the budget for the past two years. In many cases, teenagers will be going head to head against adults who have years of work experience behind them. And they’ll be doing so in a job market that has fewer positions available.
A recent survey by SnagAJob.com, an employment Web site that connects people with hourly jobs, found that nearly half of hourly hiring managers won’t be recruiting summer employees this year. Even more ominous, 73 percent of hiring managers anticipate receiving more applications this summer than they did last summer from job seekers of all ages.
Does this mean that teens should abandon all hope of finding gainful employment this summer? Not at all! The following tips can help.
1. Start looking now. Employers have been considering upcoming summer staffing issues for months now. If you have not already applied, YOU ARE LATE. For next year, remember that one way to beat out at least some of the competition is to start your job search early rather than waiting for the school year to end. “Consider telling them, ‘I can work 10 hours a week now, and then I can ramp up my hours after school gets out,’
2. Get the word out about your job search. Begin actively telling people that you’re looking for a job. Think about all the adults in your life: your teachers, guidance counselors and coaches, your family doctor and veterinarian, your parents’ friends, your friends’ parents, and so on. See my previous post "Adults Rule the World". This approach could turn you on to job prospects.
3. Plan for a repeat performance. The survey of more than 1,000 hiring managers revealed that 65 percent of their summer staffs will consist of returning workers. If you had a job last summer and you didn’t absolutely hate it, consider reapplying again this year. Your past employer will be interested in you because you’re already trained.
4. Be professional. Make sure that everything you include in your job application is spelled correctly, typed, and is free of grammatical errors. Don’t use all lowercase or all uppercase letters. Be sure the e-mail address you put down isn’t silly or distracting. The same holds true for the voice-mail prompt on your cell phone or home phone.
5. Do mock interviews in advance. A job interview can be a lot more stressful than you might think. To work out the jitters ahead of time, do a few practice interviews with someone other than a friend or parent. “Practice with someone that you’re not that comfortable with so it will be more realistic.
6. Show some energy. Employers who bring teenagers on board say they appreciate their enthusiasm and eagerness to do whatever it takes to get a job done. Display those traits on your job interview — and on the job, as well.
7. Get appropriately gussied. Dress nicely for your job interview, as if you were about to attend a religious service. Do this even if the dress code for employees is casual. Absolutely remember to send a handwritten thank-you note after your interview — a step many adults routinely forget to take.
8. Play up your strengths. Many teens show a tendency to be hard on themselves and minimize their accomplishments. Remember that a job interview is not the place to beat yourself up. Instead, emphasize flattering details about yourself, such as being an honor-roll student, juggling extracurricular activities and volunteering in the community. List out in particular the leadership positions that you’ve held. That helps to dispel the idea that teens aren’t responsible.
9. Know where to look. As bleak as the job market is right now, these places are still open to hiring teens: fast-food restaurants; resort properties, movie theaters; merchandising companies that stock shelves for retailers and health care facilities. There are a wide range of positions in the health care sector that don’t require you to have a certain level of credentials. There’s valet-parking people’s cars, working in a hospital gift shop, working in a cafeteria, being a receptionist.
10. Consider working at a bank. If you’re at least 18, you also may be able to land a job as a bank teller. Banks often need help over the summer months when many of their employees go on vacation, and a bank job can look good on your resume.
Sources and resources:
Jobsplus
SnagAJob.com
Youth2Work.gov, the U.S. Labor Department’s Web site for teens
Happy Job hunting and for those of you I know, feel free to list me as a reference:
Cory Godwin
Chief Deputy Tax Collector, Walton County
Office 850-892-8121
Office Mailing Address: PO Box 510, DeFuniak Springs, FL 32433
This summer could be even tougher for teens, though, because competition for jobs is expected to be so fierce. Local teens job opportunities such as the County Summer Work Program have been eliminated from the budget for the past two years. In many cases, teenagers will be going head to head against adults who have years of work experience behind them. And they’ll be doing so in a job market that has fewer positions available.
A recent survey by SnagAJob.com, an employment Web site that connects people with hourly jobs, found that nearly half of hourly hiring managers won’t be recruiting summer employees this year. Even more ominous, 73 percent of hiring managers anticipate receiving more applications this summer than they did last summer from job seekers of all ages.
Does this mean that teens should abandon all hope of finding gainful employment this summer? Not at all! The following tips can help.
1. Start looking now. Employers have been considering upcoming summer staffing issues for months now. If you have not already applied, YOU ARE LATE. For next year, remember that one way to beat out at least some of the competition is to start your job search early rather than waiting for the school year to end. “Consider telling them, ‘I can work 10 hours a week now, and then I can ramp up my hours after school gets out,’
2. Get the word out about your job search. Begin actively telling people that you’re looking for a job. Think about all the adults in your life: your teachers, guidance counselors and coaches, your family doctor and veterinarian, your parents’ friends, your friends’ parents, and so on. See my previous post "Adults Rule the World". This approach could turn you on to job prospects.
3. Plan for a repeat performance. The survey of more than 1,000 hiring managers revealed that 65 percent of their summer staffs will consist of returning workers. If you had a job last summer and you didn’t absolutely hate it, consider reapplying again this year. Your past employer will be interested in you because you’re already trained.
4. Be professional. Make sure that everything you include in your job application is spelled correctly, typed, and is free of grammatical errors. Don’t use all lowercase or all uppercase letters. Be sure the e-mail address you put down isn’t silly or distracting. The same holds true for the voice-mail prompt on your cell phone or home phone.
5. Do mock interviews in advance. A job interview can be a lot more stressful than you might think. To work out the jitters ahead of time, do a few practice interviews with someone other than a friend or parent. “Practice with someone that you’re not that comfortable with so it will be more realistic.
6. Show some energy. Employers who bring teenagers on board say they appreciate their enthusiasm and eagerness to do whatever it takes to get a job done. Display those traits on your job interview — and on the job, as well.
7. Get appropriately gussied. Dress nicely for your job interview, as if you were about to attend a religious service. Do this even if the dress code for employees is casual. Absolutely remember to send a handwritten thank-you note after your interview — a step many adults routinely forget to take.
8. Play up your strengths. Many teens show a tendency to be hard on themselves and minimize their accomplishments. Remember that a job interview is not the place to beat yourself up. Instead, emphasize flattering details about yourself, such as being an honor-roll student, juggling extracurricular activities and volunteering in the community. List out in particular the leadership positions that you’ve held. That helps to dispel the idea that teens aren’t responsible.
9. Know where to look. As bleak as the job market is right now, these places are still open to hiring teens: fast-food restaurants; resort properties, movie theaters; merchandising companies that stock shelves for retailers and health care facilities. There are a wide range of positions in the health care sector that don’t require you to have a certain level of credentials. There’s valet-parking people’s cars, working in a hospital gift shop, working in a cafeteria, being a receptionist.
10. Consider working at a bank. If you’re at least 18, you also may be able to land a job as a bank teller. Banks often need help over the summer months when many of their employees go on vacation, and a bank job can look good on your resume.
Sources and resources:
Jobsplus
SnagAJob.com
Youth2Work.gov, the U.S. Labor Department’s Web site for teens
Happy Job hunting and for those of you I know, feel free to list me as a reference:
Cory Godwin
Chief Deputy Tax Collector, Walton County
Office 850-892-8121
Office Mailing Address: PO Box 510, DeFuniak Springs, FL 32433
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