Why Did You Do That?

This is a perennial pointless argument and one you should avoid. We never truly know what other people’s motives are for saying or doing something that negative affects us. We can speculate – with generosity, if we attribute good will to their motives; or –with paranoia, if we suggest hostile intent. No matter how strenuously we probe, we may never get a frank answer.  Leaders have gone to war for centuries without revealing true motives for spending so much of their nation’s blood and treasure.

People do things that annoy or enrage us, and it’s almost impossible to get to the bottom of whey they did this, yet we waste hours, days and weeks trying.

Think of the last time someone questioned your motives?  Did you respond with concern – or just get angry?  Remember this when you find yourself asking, “Why did you do that?.

In almost all cases, negative attributions are met with hostility. Since you can never “prove” the other person had ill intent, you can never really “win” the pointless argument.  If the other person truly did have ill intent, they would never admit it in a public debate.  If they did not have ill intent, they will be hurt by your unfair comments.

What have you won either way?---Nothing!  But… What have you lost?